My Life Is An Open Book

Lyrics | Relient K Lyrics | The Lining Is Silver Lyrics

Dear Readers,

Life has been hard.
My relationship with God is slow (that's my fault), my relationship with my mom is strained (that's also my fault),my relationship with my friends is under some heavy construction (not all my fault), my relationship with Elliven is just getting back to were we want to be (don't tell my parents we're back together).

I really feel that by putting God first all my problems will unravel themselves.
I talk to God less than I should. I want to talk to God more than I do right now.
My love for God hasn't changed I know that. There were things I wouldn't give up before that made it hard to be in a relationship with God, but I succeeded then. That was when Ain and I were together. He was the one thing I wouldn't give up. This time it's Elliven but I can't give him up. Not ever again. That doesn't mean I can't let God work in my life with him and it doesn't mean that God can't work in us as an "US".

What I can give up is the outer ring and change my inner ring.
Outer ring- What I put into my mind.

As a christian I have a responsibility to put good things into my mind. I can't listen to what my parents have always called junk music. Well at least I can't listen to it in excess. This means I can no longer obsess over My Chemical Romance. Every one who has ever read this journal knows that that is gonna be hard for me because I love them a lot. Maybe one day I an handle listing to them again, but right now I can't let my mind absorb them. Along with MCR I will give up other similar (yet not near as unique) artists.

In the same way I have to purge my reading materials.
I read an abundance of fantasy and science-fiction. Books like Twilight (I'm not obsessed), The Umbrella Academy (I am Obsessed), and other random things I pick up all have to be quit right now. Yes maybe one day I can return to this part of my life. There are plenty of other things I like reading that are not so dark and twisted or unreal. One day when I can handle it I will be able to come back and read a book that I enjoy so much every now and then like once a month or something, but I can't FILL my mind with these books. Not in the way I used to.

Movies are the same story. I have to be careful about what I watch. This won't be too hard because I don't like the things that are to harmful. I can live without the over-sexed comedy, and I can't stand blood-curdling horror or gore. I can barely sit through an entire scary movie even if it's supposed to only be scare for the weak minded. Anyways I do have to out things I do like too. Movies like Lady in the Water and that stuff. I love it. Not boring. Not scary. Anyways I can't have it not now not anymore.


Then I need to stop associating myself with certain things.

I have to stop associating myself with spiritually dark things. I can get depressed really easily so it's probably better that I do stay away from all that.

I have to stop using all my time for facebook and twitter. I actually stopped my Facebook and this time I won't go back for a long time.

Instead of wasting all this time I need to read the bible and pray. These things will help my relationship with God grow and grow. Causing my relationship with my parents to grow and grow, helping my friendships grow and then also helping Elliven and I grow together.



The inner circle is basically behavior-

My attitude is basically trashy. I am so disrespectful to anyone I want. That needs to stop. I know my manners and I know how to act properly.
I'm selfish. That hasn't changed since I was two. It needs to now.
I'm lazy and that definitely isn't good. Especially with being a senior this year.

I need to obey my mom when she says to do my work before I go on the computer. I need to obey my mom without complaining. Obeying my parents means obeying God, and vice versa.
Obeying God will help me to change. Loving God will help me to change. I need to change.

Dear Readers,

I was just inquiring to myself and to God, what kind of a person I am?

What can my thoughts lead to and what am I capable of?

Why do I think differently than many other people?
Why are people unique?

How comes the world works in the way it does?
Why are humans obsessed with power?
What can power do for you anyways?

Why does every moment of life feel uncertain to me?
Am I supposed to feel like I know what's going to happen?
Like I know what isn't, or can't?

Why does everything seems so unreal (like I'm watching my life be lived by someone else)?

Why do I seemed biased against certain people and stereotypes?

What do I want from life?
What is the point of living?
What do people think is the meaning of life?
Why is it common for people to want to be better off than someone else?

Why is it "good" to be happy?
What is good anyways?

Abigail Dawning

Hi readers,
It's been forever since I've written anything meaning full, but I thought replying to the Writer'sBlock would help me.

Wow. the internet is not someplace to discuss my worst mistakes.
All I can say is there are 5 things I regret most and I am never the same person I was after a mistake because each wrongdoing turns me to a better direction, so I will never make the same mistake again.
Is that a run-on sentence?

Wow. You'd have to read my mind not my journal to know what those mistakes were.

Abigail~Dawning

Land of the Lost.
Will Ferrell can be so funny.

Alice In Wonderland
TimButron-IZED
http://tinyurl.com/m7vdpo
CHECK IT OUT!!!!!

1984- George Orwell.
Reading it for school.
My type of novel.

Panic! ATD
is recording again.

MCR
is tracking!!!!!!!!!

Paramore
releases a new album.
September 29.
Produced by ROB CAVALLO!

Owl City!
Adam is coming out with the new album.
AHHHH!!!!!!
I'm driving and earning money!!!!

Hello,
I know it's only been since Saturday that my life was flipped upside down, but it has begun to feel like an eternity.
I now spend quiet days doing online virtual school at home by myself. I used to be on the phone.
I do my chores every night like I'm supposed to, in stead of going to bed early without doing my chores so I could lie awake talking to Elliven.
I mope around the house bored, when in the past I would be on FaceBook chatting with Elliven.

Okay, okay, I think you all get it. I spent a lot of time talking with Elliven. Some might even say I was obsessed and isolated from the rest of my circle of friends. I still feel alone without the constant sound of his voice but I am letting God fill that space.
I do devotions before Bed every night.
I pray at random times during the day.
I don't do it half-heartedly either. God can't change me if I'm grudging about what he's done to shake me back into my former self, back to the shallow road.
I'm glad I have help though.
The people at church were very upfront about letting me know that it would be hard, but they also let me know that they would always be there to give me a hand. I'm glad that my church loves me and that I still have sanctuary in my God AND my fellow christian friends. Their hearts have not changed towards me. I need to come back to God and all they want to do is help.

Abigail Dawning

ps. But I'm still missing Elliven.

Hello,
No I did not crash into a curb again.
This summer crash the title refers to is the crash of reality and the feeling of a broken heart.

Three days ago I was forced by my mother to break up with my boyfriend, Elliven.
It's a long story and really I have had enough trouble since the whole thing began with a story. So I'm just not going to say anything.
It really has destroyed all my dreams of a perfect summer.

I feel hollow, but that's being taken care of.
I just have to remember how God has been and is always there for me. He watched as I made these series of wrong choices. I know that he is comforting me and helping me hold on to the dignity I have in the truth that I know. I can't prove myself to the people who believe the lie, but I can hold my head up knowing that I am telling the truth, even though I helped start my own rumor.
It's a tangled mess that has already broke up two of my best relationships. Me and Elliven, though we both know that this will be revisited in  6 MONTHS!  And my favorite friendship with AddyMae. She is mad that i told her the lie story instead of the true story. SHe doesn't know what to believe and she really doesn't care because she's hurt so bad. Honestly all I can do for her is stick by and hope that she'll come around to accepting my heartfelt appology. I never assumed this could go so far,but I really should have known not to go there in the first place.

Yeah this isn't the worst in the world, but it definitely isn't the easiest thing in the world.
Elliven and I are grounded from each other and as many of my Facebook frineds may realize I am nolonger an active member of the site.
I still have to get a Job, which I was spyched about less than a month ago, but now I've felt like sitting around house doing nothing. My mother won't allow that though. I still have to learn to drive, same situation there, sort of. Driving does cheer me up a little bit.

Abigail Dawning

Dear Readers,

I am having a perfect perfect time right now.

First of all, God has been softening my heart a bit. I am slowly, very but still actively, learning to be selfless.
I really have been a self-centered baby for my whole life. I have stumbling blocks, like when I argue with my brother and when I use my time for myself instead of doing what I'm supposed to do(studying, chores, virtual school).

Secondly, I am in love!
Yeah everyone can say something different to retaliate and watch out for me...
Do you know what love is?
Does he know what love is?
High school relationships don't last!
Don't say I LOVE you too soon!
You're so young how can you know?
Blah, blah, blah!!!!!
This is more than just a good feeling, more than the butterflies in my stomach, more than the nervousness of a stalker's first subject, and more than I can smile when he looks me in the eyes. I can't explain it all at once but if you saw us together you would get it. He's perfect for me.
Even though we go to different schools. He is funny, so am I.
He is hyper, so am I.
He can be immature, so can I.
He loves the way I look(not half as much as he just loves me, but just as strongly), and I feel the same way about him.
Our friends, would get along, because we hang with the same kind of people. I think that is a good sing over almost any other sign.
His best girl friend, Larsen, and My best guy friend, Ain, are together and they were the one's who thought we would be great for each other.
What do you know? Who could be more right than  your Bestie and his girl.

So aside from that.
My fun life is getting better.
I listen to more music. I go out more. I see more of life. I feel better.
OMG. Gerard Way and his wife have their BABY! I'm such a stalker but I am so happy for them. And they are going right back into recording either now or soon. They said in the next few weeks and that was Either Monday or Tuesday.
I am Psyched!!!!

Also school is almost out.
Yeah I have Exams for then next three days, but after that I am free.
The first weekend I have SAT and my neice's first birthday party.
Then my brother leaves to go to California. (I'm kind of Jealous)
I'm going to start my little summer business to make some spare cash.(Saving for Senior stuff next year)
I'm going to finish learning how to drive! Practice more then Pass MY Test! and get my license.

So yeah my life is good. I am happy and summer is starting off great!

OH AND I JUST LEARNED, I MIGHT GO TO ENGLAND FOR A MONTH THIS SUMMER>> bittersweet.

Abigail Dawning

Hello Dear Readers,

 I don't care if no one is going to read this, but what I say is available to all.

Elliven, my boyfriend of one month(and change), has lent me his I-pod.
We have a similar taste in music in some areas, but in others we are different.
I like bands like MCR, P!ATD, and FOB.
He likes a whole collection of different music. Which includes these.
On his I-pod, I have found a new interest in Eminem, Good Charlotte, and Motion City Soundtrack.

Also on his device there are the occasional love song and the ever avoided break up songs. I happen to like the fact that he has a bunch of the  popular sappy love songs like Jordin Sparks, "Tattoo", and David Archuleta, "Crush".
He's kind of ashamed of the fact when I mention it to him on the phone, but he should not be. It's cute and kinda sweet if you let your girlfriend know that you have it on there and don't take it off all ashamed-like.

Anyways. He also has really cool songs that I would not outright mention, explicit lyrics, content, and such.
Much of it I really like though. His choices are so cool and fun to sing.

He's the type  of guy who has a  lot of radio hits but doesn't have the full album, except for bands that I have specifically told him I like. MCR, P!ATD, FOB, he has their whole albums...

The sweet songs, the fun songs, the new song and oh the old songs.
He has a lot of old classic bands on there with their single. I skip most of these because I was never big on old music, as my parents never introduced me to the pop culture of their days. He has some on there though.

All of this is amazing and has given us much to talk about (for a change). This has also helped to open up a window to his inner person, or whatever.
Soon I have to give it back, but he says I can use it when I go away for a week to Cottey College(refer to last post) this summer.


Abigail Dawning

PS- Who knew that I would have a thing for Eminem, or rap of any kind!

Hi everyone,
I know it has been so long since I've written.
Not that any of you would actually read or comment on anything anyways...

It was actually Elliven that brought my dusty journal to my attention. I see the link to LJ in my tabs every time I use the internet, but with virtual school, Twitter, Facebook, and catching up on old House MD, Lost, and Grey's Anatomy episodes, I have had no time to write on here.
I have however found the time to write in my journal every single day, until recently when I started a new one and it's taking a while to break it in.

So some stuff that's going on in my life right now...

School: You probably don't know me enough to care, but if you do...
I am so close to finishing the year with at least 3 A's and 3 B's.
I take the SAT and ACT again next month, well I take the ACT for the first time.
I take my two AP tests on Tuesday and Wednesday this week. AP- Psychology and AP English Language and Composition.
And yeah, I'll update you on how all that goes.
Oh and this summer I'm going to COTTEY COLLEGE for a week for a summer program they have for science. I really want to go there when I graduate from High School. It's a private school in Missouri. Very small and its an all girls school!!!!
Apparently I'm super-psyched!

Life: Ahhhh...(sigh) So much since last time.
I now have my sweet love, Elliven, who has been through so much to make me his, evn though I keep reminding him to wait for me even now...
I have recently come to the realization that I am and have been a very selfish person. :( I was so overwhelmed by my history with this heart problem (metaphorical, but still just as serious) that I broke down while on the phone with Elliven, this shook things up between us, but he and I are going to work together to help each other through any problem. \
It's not only a relationship problem that I'm selfish. It is such a big problem that it takes over other areas of my life as well.
Only God can heal me, and I must let him do his work in me and open my heart to his changing power.
I have un-isolated my relationship with Elliven as soon as it became official that we were together.
We have grown ups watching us, and though it may be uncomfortable at times, it's okay with me,at least, if not with Elliven too.
Somethings have definitely changed since the last time I wrote. like how I've become prone to ending online messages, statuses, and updates with ... and sometimes more than three......
Ha!

BOOKS: I have been busy but I have news on the lit that I read anyways.
My AP Lang class has one book left to read on the list. Well, it isn't a book, it's Twelfth Night, Or What You Will.
We read that in about two weeks In-Class, YES! I really want to be a main character again.
Oh, we read Cyrano De Bergerac last month and I was Roxane for the last half of the play. That's the way we read the plays, in parts.
On my own I'm reading War of the Worlds, by H.G. Wells. The 3rd Unicorn Chronicles I mentioned last month, and a comic book every now and then. Right now... Top Ten, by Alan Moore (same guy who wrote Watchmen!).

So that's a lot. Ohhhh, and by the way, I met a girl at my High School who knows Gerard Way personally from when she was a kid. He Baby sat her!!!!! OMG I'm so sad she's a senior. She talk about what He's like all the time and I love to hear it all......

I want to write more!

Abigail Dawning........

My First Post was on January 28,2008.
I wrote about the boy that I used to like very much AIN, and how I wanted him to ask me out and how I wanted him to be jealous of me. So much has changed since then. Yeah it's all recorded on here, but things are very different with me.

I'm just friends with Ain now, and his girlfriend is great too. They introduced me to the best person in the world and now I have him all to myself.
Elliven. Sweet Elliven how could I feel any more for you than I do now.
I'm a year older than I was when I first posted.
I went through a phase were I thought dating in high school was a waste of time. I snapped out of it.

I am a completely different person with the same deep down core.
I wonder how Live Journal has changed.

- I also signed my name differently.
Abigail Dawning!

Hi,
(No, I didn't go back in time. This is the last Saturday of break)

I have absolutely enjoyed my spring break this year. I'm serious when I say I have never spent my break away from home!
To start I spent the night at my Besties house! Yes at Ain and Fossy's house. They are my Besties.
I must assure Fossy that Ain is like my brother just as much as she is like my sister so she shouldn't be mad at him for stealing me away in moments we could have spent together. I'm sorry, but also Ain is a really cool brother and I hope you don't begrudge him for it. Just enjoy him. I wonder if I'm making this sound right? 
Abigail Dawning

Okay ha can I even pretend that people read this???
HA HA HA!
I'm kind of insane. I wanted to say that, after almost two months ofbeing grounded, I got my cell-phone back!!!
Then two minutes later I succeeded in loosing it again.
I screamed and threw a temper tantrum at my father for loosing my Ipod.

In other news...

• I have written in my journal book every day since the 21st of FEBRUARY. That is a long time to not miss a day, on the other hand I have missed many days here. Maybe I should go for everyday here and not so much in my journal-book. Hmmm? I like my journal-book though.

A lot of space

• I stalk Gerard Way on Twitter, but I've been doing that ever since they (MCR) started twitter (Don"t JUDGE ME I know I'm obssessed)

More Space

• I've read two books, very good ones! Memoirs of a Teenage Amnesiac (amazing) and Max, the latest Maximum Ride book, (amazement) and The The Umbrella Academy comics (but they are in there own category)AMAZING!!!!

My SPACE (ha-ha)

• I'M ON SPRING BREAK and I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MY SPARE TIME!!!!!

Abigail Dawning

Dear People,

I wish my friends told me about all the cool stuff instead of keeping it all to themselves.
I never find out about anything good until its halfway through the middle are way past started.

Like MCR, I didn't find about their awesomeness until The Black Parade!

Today, and really onlty through MCR, I discovered Mindless Self Indulgence!
Oh, MY... They are amazing. Like what kind of music is that? It's ridiculously and insanely amazing!!!!!!

I want to hear it again and again, but I cant get enough even if I do.

See now after I found out that I liked one of their songs, a few days ago, I went to AddyMae's house and she told me that they were cool. So today I looked them up again and I am so inlove with their songs that I would probably marry one. Any One. LOVE!!!

Okay. That's all.

Abigail Dawning

Hi,
Okay last one for tonight.

It's Day-Light Savings tonight people! Spring forward and skip that precious hour of no good sleep!!!!

Okay.

Abigail Dawning

I lost the GAME!

Hi,
I have been chatting away about thinking. Because this is a problem for me, I am going to lay low with the over-thinking and pray instead. I have so many problems anyways why not take the world's with me while talking to God. He can help me through them and reveal the answers to me in time. If you are not a Christian you can take this as you wish or not, but God is the Father of my Life(all Life) and so occasionally I will post about Him here.
So I was looking on YouTube for some good Worship songs and I found Shadowfeet by Brooke Fraser. This song makes my heart cry out to God, and I don't know how it wouldn't move any other person Christians especially. This song is so passionately sung and it is sweetly embedded with adoration and trust for God on a level I want so much to be on too. I'll put it up here.



Abigail Dawning

Hi again,
I don't think anyone is going to read a whole bunch of me all at once but I wanted to make up for not being here.
I actually have a hot of stuff to write about.
For example how much I've been thinking just nonstop. I actually have considered that I think too much.

Oh and I still want to post my long explanation of my Gerard Way adoration.

Oh..., I also need to get in part 8 of The crayons. I always write it blind, so I really have nothing planned out yet except for an idea I want to up-into (is that a word) the story.

First. Is It possible to think to much?

Excerpt from my Journal Book- (( )) == explanation for YOU.

Dear Journal,
Same day((I had already written)).
I'll probably staple all these together before I put them into my journal book ((I was writing on loose leaf paper)).
So, I found another interview of Gerard! Yay! He looks so healthy.((I am a stalker!!!)).
It's probably from getting more sleep and living in one environment for once. His kid is going to be born early summer. Everyone is waiting. I wonder if he knows about the sex yet. I'm so impatient even if it is someone else' life.

I want PIE! Okay- RANDOM....
(( here comes the main part))

I just had a thought: Maybe I have expanded my mind, from thinking, that now I have more room in my head to think about multiple problems at a time. Mental Multi-Tasking.

Like I think about my life right, but I feel like it's alright I don't ponder about every little aspect of my day. It's boring. I live every moment why would I relive every detail. It doesn't make sense, it's a waste of thought. I think this is what makes me different.
People think about what they are busy with, who they are busy with, their schedule, something they did((or said)) or something they are doing later. Everyone does, I mean even me, but what makes me different is that I think of more that just this.

Maybe I have so much room in my head that I think of more on top of all this.
I have abstract thoughts, I think hypothetically, of wishes, of other people. I try to decipher. I work over issues and problems of the world, in my life and of concrete problems too. ((Not that I think other people don't think about these things, I'm not ignorant. I just think I'm one of the few my age who do and maybe one of the few my age who think this way as often as I do.))
I think of all this and n top of that I think about specific people's lives, like Gerard Way. I used to think about Ain's life ((name changed for privacy protection)) as much. I think about both my parents (separately and together). then sometimes I come back to my life.

Other theories are that I don't think of all this at once ((mental multi-tasking)), instead I think about something instead of another thing. (Like maybe I'm easily distracted) Maybe I get tired of a thought and I start a new one (like a peice of gum). Maybe I ask to many questions in my own mind. Maybe I ignore certain thoughts (purpously or subconsciously) ((like my mom says,"I don't pay attention to details", just on a larger scale of ignoring entire thoughts))

Abigail. (( I sign by my real name in my Journal-Book but I change it here.))

So anyways that is what I wrote in my journal, besdies all the notes I wrote in for you.
---Does anyone think that I spend to much time thinking about things that lead to nowhere but more thoughts?
It's not like this has a purpose. It's not like I have to answer these questions about the world, or society, or anything else I ask myself in my head, for school. I just think to my self ((what a wonderful world)).... about how the cookie crumbles, I guess you could say. I do it just because I'm so inquisitive and I think that I do it too much. In excess you could say.
---Does this hurt me?
___ Do I THINK TOO MUCH?___

Abigail Dawning

Hi,
I know I haven't written in a long time, but I have been grounded so yeah. Okay not that anyone really reads this, whatever...
Anyways for those of you who actually were wondering what's up in my life, I'll tell you.
First of all, I've taken a mini-break from listening to MCR for a while to listen to the much loved FOB, Fall Out Boy. Yeah (to people who know me), I know they're lyrics are a whole bunch of sexual metaphors, but their sound is fresh and I like it very much. Not as much as MCR, who have much more issues happening lyrically. Anyways, I've been listening to Infinity on High for the past three weeks straight and now I'm listening to Folie A Deux (thanks to the great Elliven). The album is amazing and I' am getting more into it every time I hear it.
I only wish I could buy my music for myself. The artists I love are not rich/ famous/well off from all their fans borrowing their albums from their friends. When I get a job I will rectify my actions by purchasing every album I have ever received a copy of. I want to be a part of why my favorites are rich/famous/well off, not that they need my money but I just want to be a part of it. It's not fair to them that some one so addicted to them doesn't care about their living. So I will do that as soon as I get a job, whenever that is.

Also in the time I have been away from my old fashioned PC, I have been reading The Prestige by Christopher Priest. I loved the movie and I already think the book is better and easier to understand, so soon.
Oh and when I was on line and not writing on LJ, I was watching YouTube videos of Mitchell Davis, from LIVELAVALIVE:



(I hope that Shows up)

Yeah so that's basically Everything I've been doing for the last few weeks.
M<y grades haven't come up enough for me to get my phone or I-pod back, I'm reading a lot more and spending a lot of time writing in my journal, or thinking.

Hi,
I'm still grounded and I really don't have anything to say except that I borrowed my friend's Fall Out Boy CD, Infinity On High, and I absolutely love it.

I've heard the single before, but never the whole album. I love it.
All the non-single song are actually so much better than just the singles. I don't know what I'm trying to say.
I like the Album better as a whole and not as one song here or there...

I really want to get Folie A Deux.
Yeah I know I'm kind of late because Infinity On High came out a long time ago and I'm just getting into it, but I'm always late on good stuff.
I mean I only found out about MCR in 2007. I will always feel late.

Abigail Dawning

All my administrator rights on the computer are gone!!!!!!
I assumed as much, but they really are and i cant use i-tunes or install my chemistry book!!!!!!
CURSES!!!!!

Abigail Dawning